Unique! Confronting what individuality really means for us all

Here are four inescapable facts about you – the Four Laws of Unique Individuality (UI). Each carries a moral imperative.

1. No one just like you has ever lived on this planet before, nor ever will in the future. You are constitutionally unique, in your own bespoke human mind–body vehicle. You have UI.
   Moral imperative: Respect the gift of being you and celebrate difference.
2. You only see portions of the totality of your UI through the window of consciousness. The rest is hidden from view, yet important aspects of who you are can be brought into the light.
   Moral imperative: Be humble, forgiving and inquiring.
3. You can never know another person – their UI is even more unknowable than your own – for each of us carries our own umwelt, our private worlds, which we navigate imperfectly. By the same token, no one will ever truly know you.
   Moral imperative: Strive to understand before judging.

Together, these three laws would seem to condemn us to live our lives alone, whistling in the dark to keep our spirits up. Fortunately, not. Life is beautiful, full of consolations and deep connections with others. We are redeemed, partially, by the Fourth Law:

4. Connection with others is a necessary and sustaining fact of life, from cradle to grave, as is exposure to cultures and subcultures. Connection is central to the development of your UI and to achieving your potential.
   Moral imperative: Reach out; “see” others and let them see you.

UI is a very big idea – something we take for granted much more than we take seriously. We say, “each to their own” and “different strokes for different folks”, but we then give in to clumsy, unproductive and dehumanising classifications of each other.

Individuality is a thing of glory, but it is also scary. There is a dark side to UI. We are prey to a range of challenging feelings, thoughts, and perceptions that cause us some of the greatest griefs and pain known to humankind. On the other hand, our UI is the source of our most profound pleasures, and more than that, our greatest achievements in the arts, sciences, and world affairs.

UI is also the undervalued catalyst of all social change. It is the organic yeast in the soup of cultural evolution that shifts the history of civilisations. It also holds the key to the future of our species. And right now we need to grasp the idea that our Unique Individuality is our last line of defence against the threats that artificial intelligence (AI) might pose for us.

What this means for Unique You

1. Your identity is built upon your own unique platform of inborn temperament, the Destiny of your DNA, shaped by the Drama of the unexpected in your lived experience, the self-control of Deliberation via the gift of (qualified) free will, and equipping you for life through Development, planned and informal. This is the 4D Framework – a dynamic diagnostic for understanding any unique life through time.
2. You might share 50% of your genes with other family members – 100% if you’re an identical twin – but you’re not “just like” any of them, regardless of what they say. Due to the complex way the genetics of personality operate, your trait similarity with parents or siblings is barely in the 10-20% range.
3. If you are a parent, you are less responsible than you may think for how your kids turn out. You can do nothing much about their character and temperament. It is the narratives and life skills you provide that influence their world view, but even this is unpredictable. They may well rebel!
4. Your life is a story of “punctuated equilibrium” – periods of relative stability, interrupted by dislocating transitions – biological, relational, professional and societal. Each period is a fresh chapter – don’t expect the next to be like anything like previous ones.
5. Shared experience is an illusion. You can have parallel experience – as in states of collective grief or elation – but the quality of the experience is yours alone. Your time at London Business School often felt shared, but its essence and meaning were uniquely yours.
6. Relationships are uniqueness squared – don’t wish yours were like others’. Each connection stands on its own unique four feet. If you see relationship patterns recurring, think about what you are doing to create them.
7. You “ingest” culture. It is a drug that has a unique chemistry with how your mind works. It may only be when you cross cultural boundaries that you understand how.
8. You have a dark side, much of it hidden from view. But how dark and intrusive it is, is unique to you. Let the light in – know the dark side as best you can and adapt to it creatively and constructively.
9. You have a light side that brings you the joy of the arts, inspiring experiences and creative possibilities. Find contexts – relationships and cultures – that liberate it. Find your voice.
10. Place matters. How we organise and manage people can stifle or liberate individuality. Too often we create environments that neutralise individuality and kill the spirit. Yes, as a leader you need to set frameworks for everyone, but under their roof you have a privileged opportunity to understand them and help them to feel seen and valued as unique persons.
11. It is easy to get swept along in pursuit of resources and achievement. But don’t neglect the three existential wants: to Savour – the joy of positive experience in the here and now; to Signify – knowing you make a positive difference to other people and the way the world works; and to be Seen – to have the deep gratification of being deeply connected with friends and family.
12. Don’t let tech scare you. AI cannot even begin to simulate the way you think and feel. It can only imitate the results. The greatest risk we face is rogue individuals using its powerful tools for selfish or destructive ends.
13. Go on a pilgrimage. This means periodically taking time out from regular life to explore, meet and talk to strangers, reflect on directions and forces in your life, and consider what you might want to change. (For many of you, your time at London Business School constitutes just such a pilgrimage.)